it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
