Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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