The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize