I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
only if we run a train.
done.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
