I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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