I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
