woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
