You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
