Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
