This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
