my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
