he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
