It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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