dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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