My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
