I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
