So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
