It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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