Got a toothbrush?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
