its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
