She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
