Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
