I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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