woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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