god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
