I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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