Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
