ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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