Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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