hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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