I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
