We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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