My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
