My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
