I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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