It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I party with great urgency now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
