I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
