before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
