based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
In America we eat man semen.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
