maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
