That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
