NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
