u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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