i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
two words: eviction party
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
