I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I DEMAND FORESKIN
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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