I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
