I looked at my own cervix.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
