On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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