So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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