im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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