AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
